Can I Move Away With My Kids in a Divorce?
Moving with your kids before you have a custody order in place is legal. You can move anywhere (even to another state) and take your kids. You don't need your spouse's permission.
Moving with your kids after you file for divorce is also legal unless the court makes "temporary orders" that restrict your ability to move.
But just because it's legal to move doesn't always mean it's a good idea. There are risks to moving without first getting your spouse's or the court's permission.
Caution: If you’re in an abusive relationship and you need to move for safety reasons, the information on this page might not apply to you. For advice on moving and other tips for leaving an abusive relationship, visit this page instead.
Risks of moving without permission
Just because it's legal to move, doesn't mean it's a good idea. If you move without getting permission from the other parent or a court, there are risks:
- Losing custody of your kids. Moving without the other parent's approval can hurt your chances of getting custody. Most judges think kids are better off when they see both parents regularly. If you move against your spouse’s wishes, a judge could give them custody and not you.
Having to move back. If your spouse doesn't want you to move with the kids, but you do it anyway, your spouse can ask the court to make you bring your kids back. If you want to stay with your kids, this means you have to move back too.
- Dealing with a long-distance divorce. If you move to a new state, you may have to deal with a divorce from far away. You usually can't file for divorce or custody in a new state until you've lived there for a while (every state has its own residency rules). So, if your spouse files for divorce after you leave, you'll be stuck dealing with a divorce in the state you left.
Tips for a successful move
If you want to move, talk to your spouse first to see if they'll agree to let you move with your kids.
If your spouse agrees
Write your agreement down on paper and have your spouse sign and date the agreement. If possible, have a witness, like a relative or friend, present when your spouse signs the agreement.
If you have time, make your agreement legally binding by following these steps:
- Write it down on court forms
- Have your spouse sign the forms
- File the forms with the court
- Wait for a judge to approve your forms to make your agreement official
You can get free help finding court forms and filling them out by contacting your local family law facilitator. Or you can hire a divorce attorney to prepare the forms for you.
If your spouse doesn't agree
You can ask the court to let you move with your kids by following these steps:
- Fill out court forms (the exact forms will vary depending on where you are at in your case)
- File the forms with the court
- Give your spouse a copy of the forms
- Wait to see if your spouse will object to your forms
- Have a court hearing (if your spouse does object)
- Wait for a decision from a judge
This process of getting a court’s permission to move can take several weeks to several months, depending on the country and your spouse's response.
You can get free help with these steps by contacting your local family law facilitator. Or you can hire a divorce attorney to help you.
Moving in an emergency
It's not always possible to get permission from your spouse or the court before you move. For example, maybe you're being evicted and need to move back home. Or perhaps it's unsafe for you to live near your spouse after separating.
A divorce judge will usually understand if you need to move in an emergency. There are situations where moving without permission can be a good choice.
If you need to move because of domestic violence, refer to this article on ending an abusive relationship for more help. You may also want to consider applying for a restraining order. A restraining order can make moving away and taking your kids with you easier. Learn more about restraining orders on this page.
Frequently Asked Questions about Moving and Divorce
Yes.
You or your spouse can ask the court for a "temporary order." A temporary order is a written decision from a judge. It creates rules for both spouses to follow. A temporary order could include rules about where your kids will live or when each parent gets visitation with the kids during the divorce.
If you have a temporary order, read it carefully to understand the rules. Don't move if you won't be able to follow the rules afterward.
For example, if the court order gives your spouse weekly visits with your kids, you shouldn’t move if you won’t be able to keep following that schedule. Moving without changing the court order could get you in serious trouble with the court.
Not usually. Moving out of your shared home is a normal step for most divorcing couples. Many couples start living apart before they file for divorce.
If you own your home, moving out won't cause you to lose out on your investment in your home. In Oregon, you're entitled to a fair share of your marital home, whether you live there during your divorce or not.
However, moving out of your home may make it less likely you’ll be able to move back in later. If there's a fight about who gets to keep the home, a judge is more likely to give the home to the spouse who is still living in the home and paying the bills.
If you own a home, it’s a good idea to talk to a divorce lawyer. There are many things to think through. A lawyer can listen to your goals and let you know if they’re achievable. If your goals are realistic, a lawyer can help you come up with a plan.
In Oregon, you can take any of your marital property with you when you move.
"Marital property" is anything you or your spouse got during your marriage. Marital property includes vehicles, bank accounts, furniture, and other items. When you're married, everything you or your spouse got during the marriage belongs equally to both of you.
However, to minimize conflict, it's a good idea to talk to your spouse and try to make a plan for how to split things up. But, if you can't agree, you can take what you think is a fair share of your marital property.
Keep in mind that if your spouse thinks you took more than what was fair, they can ask a judge to split things up differently. So, you might have to give some things back or pay your spouse money if a judge thinks you took more than your fair share.
Caution: If you’re already involved in an Oregon divorce case, you and your spouse must follow Oregon's “statutory restraining order.” This is an automatic court order that limits you and your spouse’s ability to sell off or get rid of assets during your divorce. It also places limits on your ability to take on new debt or make changes to insurance policies. Read the statutory restraining order law on the Oregon Laws website.
Oregon doesn't require your spouse to pay your moving expenses in a divorce.
But, if you depend on your spouse financially, you can ask them to pay you spousal support. "Spousal support" (also called “alimony”) is a cash payment from one spouse to the other. Spousal support can be paid monthly or in a lump sum payment. You can use the money for anything, including moving expenses. Learn more about spousal support here.
Spousal support can start during your divorce or after you finalize your divorce. If you want it to start during your divorce, you’ll need to ask the court to make temporary orders. Learn more about temporary orders here.